Sunday, May 20, 2007

Every Situation is a Passing Memory

When I began writing a blog I decided that nothing terribly personal would be put into it, but this was not an easy week for me and I have realized that there is no way to keep all feelings out of this cyber scribble. When I am upset I tend to shut down . There would be no blog, no art, no conversation. There would be nothing but a void - at least until my inner sun shone again !

My good friend Lauren suggested making a quilt of the feelings I was experiencing. A good idea but I was not up to making anything TOO large and ambitious. I did, however, take out some of my most favorite fabric and some Shiva paint sticks yesterday. Playing is always a good thing ! When I looked at the pieces this morning I realized that they were a perfect expression of what I feeling ! Crossroads, detours, circles, stops and starts. I am adding colors and texture to the small piece on the top. There is, if you look hard enough, the image of a tree with green limbs and grounded roots.

I get tired of people telling me that I am " too sensitive". I have been this way all of my life .I pick up under currents and I know unspoken thoughts. I don't know that I can change this part of me at this age - nor am I particularly sure that I want to change. I feel things. Period. My challenge is to find a strong center that can flex with my emotions - I need to learn to shrug off energy that is not mine and I need to stop accepting blame for things that are not mine to accept. I find that the teachings of Pema Chodrun, a Buddhist nun, are particularly suited to me. I always find her imagery soothing and so I spent part of this week listening to my first ever audio book - one of hers. Generally I don't do well with "canned" teaching - but this week it helped. I have found the value of audio books ! Another GOOD thing that happened this week !

When I make a list of thoughts that occurred to me this week - I was able to have more positives than negatives. That is a good thing. As Pema Chodrun says "... every situation is a passing memory...." Thank you Pema for reminding me of the wonders of the dream we call life.

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